So, more wholly unsurprising news that a top footballer is playing the field behind his wife’s back. Wouldn’t it now be more surprising if the tabloids wrote an expose of a player who is NOT cheating on his wife? The gripping headline ‘HE DIDN’T PAY ME FOR SEX’ could be overlaid on to a photo of the player sitting on a large white leather sofa with his wife and two kids, all beaming happily. The highlighted quotes in the article could reveal the juicy details: “he didn’t really like going out boozing”, “he made me dinner twice a week” and “we occasionally had sex – but only when the kids were fast asleep.”
I must confess, I did read the red top that ran the Rooney story on Sunday, and there were two particular aspects that struck me. The first was the quote from Rooney’s transactional filly concerning the occasion when Rooney took her hand at a player’s party and led her downstairs for a bit of how’s-yer-father. Apparently, “Michael Owen was looking at him [Rooney] in disgust”. It’s a journalist’s dream. In fact, a journalist himself couldn’t have come up with a better quote…
Anyway, as my Sunday league team and I chortled our way through the article, I remarked that I’d love to see Michael Owen looking at someone in disgust. “What would that face look like?”, I mused. At that point, one of the lads at the table turned the page and there, uncannily, was a full page British Telecom advert with Michael Owen, seemingly staring at me, in disgust. Actually, maybe he was just disgusted with himself for having to stoop to doing BT adverts rather than play football, or maybe he’d just remembered that he once left Real Madrid for Newcastle United.
The other aspect that struck me, was the lifestyle theme running through the story. Every ‘interaction’ between Rooney and his pricey sideline, seemed to involve a lot of cigarettes and an overconsumption of booze. Her story was littered with “He was hammered”, “he could barely perform”, and “he paid £200 for a pack of cigarettes”. £200!?!?! Is there a special tax on smoking footballers? Anyway, the more pertinent question, which Alex Ferguson is sure to ask, is why is one of the most talented footballers in Europe spending most of his spare time puffing expensive tabs and getting smashed?